In praise of pants

Unlike the Duchess of Cambridge, beekeepers should  never go commando. Let me explain why.

My bees are fairly placid, but some bees can be really nasty as I was reminded yesterday. I was helping my bee-buddy with his hives. It had rained for the last week and we expected the bees would be tetchy, especially as the day before he had removed some honey. Tetchy is an understatement; before we got within 20 yards of the apiary we were being attacked.

 'We'll start with the feisty hive first,' he suggested. On reflection this was not the smartest strategy, but I was well protected with my veil and gloves.....or so I thought.

When bees are annoyed they buzz around your face trying to ward you off, and when they are angry they 'ping' off the veil because they fly so hard at you, but when bees go ballistic.... they burrow! They crawl all over you looking for any gap in your armour and if one manages to sting it releases pheromones that direct the other bees to your weak point.

'Ouch!' One managed to get me on the back of the neck delivering it's sting right through the bee suit. She was lucky, the material must have been close to my skin for a moment and she seized her chance, but such a long shot did no real harm.

More worrying were the bees on my legs. They'd worked out that my trousers had worn a bit thin on the thighs. Then some discovered the trousers had pockets and went burrowing, whilst others found the gap between my legs and Wellington boots and headed down to my feet, intent ascending my trousers on the inside.

I beat a retreat, initially 50 yards, but they were still going for me so I carried on walking. At 200 yards the flying bees finally left me, but I still had to deal with the burrowers!

I gingerly emptied my pockets - bees! Then my boots - more bees! Then off came the veil - no bees thankfully, .... but I could feel something tickling my leg. I dropped my trousers. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, me or the bee, but she gave up all notion of further attack and flew away - laughing, I suspect.

I had 6 stings on one leg and 4 on the other, some perilously close to .... well let's just say, 'Thank goodness for pants!'

My bee-buddy toughed it out with no stings. I was astonished.

'Do your trousers have pockets?' I asked.

'No,' he replied smugly.

Nevertheless I expressed surprise that he hadn't been stung through his trousers, as I had.

He smiled. 'I'm wearing two pairs,' he explained.

I didn't ask if he was dressed 'comme la duchesse'.